My date

I think I need to swear off dating, like whipped cream on a cheesecake. Last weekend was the single most horrible date partner I’ve experienced and thrust (oops, I mean trust) me, I’ve had quite a colourful history in this department.

Cody, as I shall call him because of that’s my best jock name and this guy was a jock through and through, was everything you would find in a caveman. He defied everything David Beckham had instituted in metrosexualism, from the unshaven goatie to mismatched shoes. Thankfully, he was cute and had one helleva butt.

I’m actually thankful I didn’t make him my Valentine’s date or I would have forever sworn of being happy on the 14th or maybe considered being lesbian. I mean this was a guy who took the initiative to ask me out (points for that, yes) and then decided he would take me to the most romantic spot he knew, Carl’s Jr.

Do know how sinful that place is? I have to go down in my nun’s garb some other day to bless that place because I don’t know how many calories they serve over the counter, but I do know it’s blasphemous.

And eating at Carl’s Jr with those oversized burgers? I’m sure that’s absolutely glamourous, maybe it’s GQ worthy even, but having mustard or ketchup streaking across my lips isn’t my glossy idea of a first date. I also don’t find anything remotely sexxay in watching men gorge at their burgers and leaving an onion, or maybe five, wedged between their teeth. Yuckie...

I’ve been a nice girl, maybe sometimes I’m guilty of too much eyeliner, but I’ve been generally good. So why do I get stuck with this man? As if the dinner venue left much to be desired, the conversation was all about him and car abbreviations, which I don’t even understand. Like hello? I know what goes great with suede or when I have to wear lace, but cars? Just as long as I look great in it and best if they come in red, it’s all that matters to me.

This guy just went on and on and I went from pretending to be interested to playing with the fries. So, you would think he would notice the boredom in me right? Noooo, this guy was like so dense he thought I was still hungry. My Gawd, I don’t know what’s worse, breaking a nail or sitting with him for another minute.

To add to this, he was constantly bragging about how much he earned and what investments he had and all I could think of was, ‘and the best you could do is Carl’s Jr?’. What is it with men these days?

I obviously had to cut the date short and give it the most unnatural death I could think of, so I told him I was going to watch a movie with my boyfriend and I totally forgot I told him I was single before this.